In My Head

Waiting on the Light

Too often we live our lives as if there is something right around the corner that might be the answer to our prayers. We look for the perfect business idea, the perfect relationship, the perfect religion. We try the perfect diet, or the perfect exercise program. It never is, and it never will be. If only we were enlightened, rich, skinny, partnered, older, wiser, young, beautiful, or well.

And then we kick ourselves for missing out, or passing something by, looking for the next possibility in a line of possibilities. Hindsight is always crystal clear, and we easily have the privilege of seeing how we ãcould have done better.ä We can repeatedly get caught up in a seemingly endless cycle of reluctance to act and then regret over our missed opportunities. Lifetimes are built on this cycle.

We need to get off the wheel. Karma is generally thought of as a repayment in the next life for deeds done in this life. We keep coming back until we get it right. What if Karma is a like a slide show that we get to watch in this life? What if we get to see the same situations we handle poorly, over and over again, until we get them right? And what if this is the only life we get? The wheel of rebirth, begging us to move forward with gentle and fierce reminders of how we can better share our lives with others, might only apply to this lifetime. We need to forgive ourselves and live. Now.

Sometimes it takes a life-threatening illness to help us onto that path, but how much life have we missed before that? Our choice then, to fully live our lives, ironically comes when we are faced with the possibility of death. ãLive each day as if it were your lastä or ãWhat would you do if you had 24 hours to live?ä seem to be trite mottoes and oversimplifications of the complex binds that we all get into and wish to be free from.

But asking that question or holding that belief begins to reinforce the idea that life and how we live it is, indeed, a choice. Every aspect of our lives, each experience of smelling the roses, going to work, drinking a beer, or holding a grudge represents a choice we make; how we plan to spend the rest of our existence here, moment by moment. If we feel trapped, it is our choice. If we are ecstatic, our choice. Are we enlightened, or do we choose to be asleep? Do we have to work, or could we choose to sell everything, and live a life of bare simplicity or poverty? There is no predicament from which we are devoid of choice. This is our moment. How do we live it?

This issue is devoted to life, the miraculous existence that we all experience. It is the universal adventure we all take, and yet each of us has our own unique view from within. We breathe while we sleep as our minds slip in and out of bizarre hallucinatory stories, fodder for tomorrowâs breakfast conversation. We wake into living, needing to eat, drink, and make poop. And we join the human race, full of unconscious assumptions and beliefs, locked into our goals, direction, intentions. We have an opportunity here. We can live fully, engaging with life, connecting with others, making peace with our own skin. Every moment, a choice. It just doesnât get any better than this.

Enjoy this issue, and may you be blessed with a life full of living!

Very truly yours,
Stevan A. Walkowski, D.O.
Editor