This Moment

by Cheryl Rapose, M.Ed., L.I.S.W.

Acceptance: Seeing Things as They Are

Seven attitudinal foundations constitute the major pillars of mindfulness practice, as stated by Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD., in Full Catastrophe Living. Each is interrelated as attention to the cultivation of any one affects the others. All are significantly vast and omnipresent in terms of opportunities for practice, whether moment to moment, day to day, or over the course of a lifetime. This article will explore the sixth in that list, acceptance.

Acceptance is defined as the act of receiving that which presents itself; pleasant or unpleasant, approved of or not, welcomed or unwelcomed. Acceptance is simply the act of receiving an experience. There really is nothing implicit in the word itself which suggests that we should, or must, like what is given acceptance.

Letās take a real-life scenario. A few years ago, while I was in another state, there was highway construction in progress on the interstate during the day and the posted speed limit was reduced for the safety of both motorists and workers. The fines for speeding in the construction zone were doubled. The understanding I held from my driving experience was that the double fine was only enforced when work was in progress or workers were present.

It was after 9:30 p.m. and I was traveling approximately 10 mph over the speed limit. There was no work in progress and no workers were about. The highway patrol pulled me over and ticketed me. Later, I found out that the fine would cost close to $200. I felt righteous and indignant. I was willing to pay a reasonable fine for the infraction, but the double-fine amount felt excessive and unjust. But when the officer extended the clip board and asked me to sign and accept the citation, I did. I did not like it. I accepted the citation with knowledge that doing so was not an admission of guilt. In accepting the citation, I was not letting go of anything (my anger or feeling of injustice), but I was letting it be, in that moment. And when I accepted the penalty and wrote out the check, I was, in that moment, letting it be. It took a while to let it go.

A.H. Almaas addresses this in a slightly different way in. He states that presence is the condition of the Self when it is simply being. It can arise only when weāre accepting our present condition in "The Point of Existence." By being present I could simply "be" when the officer cited me. No ranting protests or arguments of innocence. Just accepting what was so in that moment. And also in that moment, I felt wronged, set-up, angry and, as an out-of-state driver, discriminated against. Almaas also states that we need to appreciate our immediate experience and to learn to simply be where we are. It is the acceptance of relaxing into where we find ourselves experientially, and the openness to the present manifestation of our Being, that makes it possible to move deeper.

In Full Catastrophe Living, Kabat-Zinn states the following:

Acceptance means seeing things as they actually are in the present. Often acceptance is only reached after we have gone through very emotion-filled periods of denial and then anger. These stages are a natural progression in the process of coming to terms with what is. They are all part of the healing process.

This does not imply acquiescence. Kabat-Zinn continues:

Acceptance does not mean that you have to like everything or that you have to take a passive attitude toward everything and abandon your principles and values. It does not mean that you are satisfied with things as they are or that you are resigned to tolerating things as they "have to be." Acceptance as we are speaking of it simply means that you have come around to a willingness to see things as they are. This attitude sets the stage for acting appropriately in your life, no matter what is happening.

I could have raged over the ticket, but to what end? Mindfulness practice has taught me this. Do I, or will I, always approach lifeās continual challenges without resistance and with a modicum of grace? "Doubtful" and "No." However, Iām more aware of the opportunities to "do the work" when challenges arise and to choose a skillful response over a knee-jerk reaction.

Cheryl Rapose, M.Ed., L.I.S.W., is the Behavioral Health Programs Coordinator for the Elizabeth Blackwell Center, Riverside Methodist Hospital. She teaches the eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program on a quarterly basis. She can be reached at 614-566-4448.